She Is Lucky. Is She? She Must Be Rich. Is She?

You are so lucky. You must be rich. The words echo in my mind. You are lucky to work from home. You are lucky to have a job like this to be able to travel. You must be rich to stay in Greece for more than a month and two more in Thailand. You must be rich if you can sleep in and take a day off. A mix of emotions washes over me as I ponder these statements of my friends and strangers I talk to. 

A silver platter?

It makes me feel sad and angry. Do they think I have it all? Did it come to me itself and overnight? It’s as if they imply that everything I have ever achieved was effortless, handed to me on a silver platter. But that’s far from the truth. Each step I’ve taken has been a battle against doubt and fear, a conscious choice to defy the odds.

The truth is 

The truth is, I don’t own a house or live in a luxury. There are times when my bank account is drier than Sahara in peaking summer. But amidst it all, I consider myself fortunate. I was born into a free and democratic society that grants me the power to shape my own destiny. I feel rich. Rich in experiences, cherished memories, deep connections with people, nurturing friendships, valuable skills, and the inspiration that fuels my soul. I feel richer in joy, peace, and love than I ever thought I would! My heart is in integrity with my soul and my doings. And it’s extremely scary at the same time because I play it all in. 

Not a virtue of mine

It all goes with bold moves. Although decision making has never been a virtue of mine. And acting on my decisions or taking the first step is literally freaking me out! I struggle with endless questioning and self-doubt. What if I choose the wrong path? Will I ever fit in? What if I embarrass myself? How will others react? What if I fail? I don’t know. I can’t. The fear of failure lingers in the back of my mind, casting shadows on my confidence and holding me back from acting. 

The smiling mask

So at the first sight, there is this smiling, strong, and confident expression on my face. The mask I put on to protect myself from the outer world is a coping mechanism I developed over time. But something quite different lies behind. With the smile I hide my insecurities, fears, and vulnerability. Deep down I am fragile, uncertain, and nervous. 

First things first

I’ve heard the words of admiration and dread of those who follow my journey. „I adore the way you live, it’s inspiring. But I couldn’t do it.“ First things first. You don’t have to travel and live the way I do. I am not imposing my path onto you. It’s not for everyone. Don’t get me wrong. I am not saying this out of arrogance but with the utmost respect. I encourage you to follow your unique journey that makes you happy. 

The bright and dark side

Choosing to follow my passion meant leaving behind a secure and comfortable path. It meant investing years of time, energy, and financial resources into becoming a coach and therapist, steering away from my previous roles in project management. Alongside this choice came a wave of insecurity and self-doubt. Comparing myself to peers who had specialized in their fields and built extensive networks over the course of time triggers feelings of inadequacy. 

I am choosing the freedom of freelancing over being managed in a company. With freedom come uncertainty, instability, and the overwhelming responsibility of self-management. There’s no settled routine, no boss to guide my steps, and no one to set deadlines. It’s a constant juggling act that challenges me each and every day. 

Instead of accumulating material possessions, I’ve decided to invest in experiences and memories. This choice has left me with a minimalistic wardrobe that fits into a suitcase and a room that holds only the essentials.  

The ups and downs of pursuing my passions have taught me that every bright side has its dark side. That there is no point in waiting for myself to be good enough or for things to become perfect. That the moments of doubts, fears, and insecurities accompany the joy, enthusiasm, love, and peace of mind that comes with living life on my terms!

Stinky but warm

Secondly. Could you truly not? Or do you think you could not? Remember, a brain is a liar! Its main function is to make sure we survive. So it protects us from danger. New and unknown evoke danger. And there the catch comes. Imagine yourself doing something new, different. Something you have been probably postponing for quite some time. Being afraid or embarrassed. Does this act truly endanger you? Does your life depend on it? I dare to guess – not really. The brain deceives us and makes the unknown look bigger and scarier to keep us in a comfortable safe place – where it’s stinky but warm. It means, with a bit of courage and determination you most probably could take action to embark on your own extraordinary adventure. 

Choosing or chose?

There is a message behind me saying „I am choosing“ instead of „I chose“. I am choosing all of it every second of the day with every decision I take. Do I work today or do I rather procrastinate? Do I get up and exercise to get the dose of dopamine and self-confidence, or do I rather pity myself in bed not knowing what to do next? Do I decide to take a scary action to show up, or do I rather back off to stay hidden? Do I transform my self-beating and degrading thoughts to encourage myself, or will I rather stay hidden in my cave (which, believe me, is pretty dark and deep). 

The decision is all yours

There the question comes. What is the world missing out on if you keep avoiding what you are avoiding right now? Let me kindly remind you: you are good enough to act on your seemingly crazy dreams. Yes, you can. You are already damn good the way you are just because you are.

So. Tell me, in what way do you want to be rich? 

With love & peace, K.